The Second Goodbye

I didn't write last week. I wasn't ready to face life yet.

I went home and saw Ethan for the first time this weekend. It was wonderful to see him again, but at the same time, I didn't like being at home and living out of a suitcase. It wasn't right. I'm supposed to be living there and seeing him every day. Thats how this feels--like it's not how its supposed to be.

I like being at Dordt. Everything is going well for me there, and everyone is glad to see me. But all the time I am aware that something is missing. Or rather, someone is missing. There are very few times in my day that I'm not thinking about Ethan. I miss him so much its maddening.

I heard this song on the way home, and it made me cry. Here's to my far away love.

I don't get many things right the first time.
In fact, I am told that a lot.
But I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls,
brought us here.
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday.

And I know that I am, I am, I am the luckiest.

If I'd been born 50 years before you
in a house on a street where you live
maybe I'd be outside when you passed on your bike.
Would I know?
And in a wide see of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize.

And I know that I am, I am, I am the luckiest.

Next door, there's an old man who lived to his 90s
and one day passed away in his sleep.
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away.
I'm sorry, I know thats a
strange way to tell you that I know we belong.

That I know that I am, I am, I am the luckiest.
~Ben Folds