Random Thoughts

I try to do laundry on Wednesday and Saturday. I either missed Wednesday this week, or my laundry is multiplying in the basket, because I am doing 4 loads today.

Living with my parents means I work way harder to keep the house clean. I'm finding that I love getting to the end of the day and being proud of how I spent my time, even if I'm more tired.

I happen to think that I make the best pizza anywhere. I try to be humble, but it's hard when you're the best! ;)

I find that I get the most stressed when things are out of my control. For example, selling our house is a horribly stressful thing for me, because, not only can I not do anything, but I can't even see whether or not any progress is being made.

Football is great. It's one of the only things you can watch where people throw each other to the ground and sit on each other's heads, and then when the play is over they're helping the other guy up and patting him on the back. Cool.

I love when the seasons change because that means I get to buy new clothes for Jacen.

The best Bible Studies are the ones about a specific character in the Bible. We hold them up as these great heros of faith, and when you study them, they turn out to be just regular people who God used for his purposes. In the end it's not about the person, it's all about God.

Maybe I should hybernate

This week's cold and rainy weather have got me thinking about what on earth I'm going to do all winter with my high energy boy. He plays very well by himself, and is capable for entertaining himself, but gets wilder and wilder the longer he's cooped up without some sort of activity. Here is my game plan for winter and icky weather. We'll see how it goes.

• compile a list of crafts, projects, and recipes at the begining of every month that are at Jacen's level, and keep supplies in the house
• color days: wear red, eat red food, color pictures with a red crayon, find all of the red toys in the toy box, etc.
• 2 words: dance party!
• hunt the library for seasonal and holiday books
• make a commitment to get him outside as often as possible, even if it means I will freeze my behind off in the snow

I'm sure I will come up with more ideas as the winter goes on (I hope! This list may not get us through an Iowa winter!), but for now that's enough to get me through a rainy fall. If any of you have other good ideas, I'd love to hear them!

shifting things around

Ethan started a blog about what we're up to as a family. I will be writing there also, a lot of the stuff I've been writing here. Please check out http://huizengachronicles.blogspot.com for all the info about Jacen growing, family vacations, and job updates.

I intend to keep this blog going--writing more about my opinions on things and what I think about. I may give recommendations on books, movies, or tv shows, both for adults and kids. Or give instructions for art projects I do with Jacen that turned out really well. I hope you keep reading, but be prepared to hear more of my opinions on things, even about political or spiritual matters.

What, exactly, is a Roy Rodgers?

I have spent the last week and a half studying my little brains out. No, I am not back in school. But I did get a job. I am now working at the Blue Mountain Smokehouse as a waitress. At least I'm training to. The smokehouse has an extensive training program, including a written test on every training day. It started off easy--numbering the tables--but has built up to yesterday's beer and wine tests and today's 80-question menu exam. Having never drunk a beer, and not being too familiar with wine either, I found the beer and wine tests to be harder, even if they were shorter. Thank goodness for the brewery and winery tours we did in St. Louis, or I would have been totally lost. I have passed all of my tests (so far!) on the first try. Tomorrow is my liquor test, though.

I do like this job. I know because time just flies by while I'm there working, even tonight when I was dishwashing.

Update!

OK, so it's been a while since I've posted and a lot has happened in a short time. So here's what's going on with us!

The end of June Ethan's law partner was offered a different job and quit the law firm. The next week was our trip to San Antonio, and we took that week to regroup and try to figure out what to do next. We decided to try to keep the firm going for a few weeks and see what happened. By the end of July there had been no new clients. Ethan was frustrated and we were mostly broke. The last weekend of July Ethan's mom invited us up to Iowa for a little break and some inspiration. While we were up in Iowa we sent out a whole bunch (40 or 50?) of applications in St Louis and other places, including one up in Iowa where our parents live. The Iowa law firm was having their annual partner meeting the week we were there, and after looking at Ethan's application, they called and asked if he could stay a few more days and interview with them. After the interview they asked if he could stay a few more days and come in for a second interview. The second interview turned into a job offer, which we decided to accept the same afternoon. The firm wanted Ethan to start as soon as possible, so we went back to St. Louis for a week, packed up all our stuff, cleaned the house, picked apples and did a bunch of yard work, put our house on the market, loaded as much stuff as we could in vans, and went back to Iowa. That was about a week and a half ago. Ethan's been working for a week now, and seems to like his new job. I've still been home with Jacen, but have been applying to a few jobs. No luck yet, but we'll see. We're currently living with my parents until our house sells and we can buy one here.

This all happened really fast, and we're still adjusting to being here. But it's nice to be by family again, and it's nice for Ethan to have consistent work. Please pray that our house sells quickly, so that we can find a permanent home here!

Love this!

This week Jacen learned how to open the fridge door. He also learned how to open the door from the house to the garage, and from the garage to the back yard. And he figured out how to get things out of the kitchen drawers (can opener, pizza cutter...). My life suddenly seems much more hectic.

San Antonio Vacation

Visiting the airplanes displayed on Lackland AFB, where my brother is stationed.

San Antonio zoo. This panther thought Jacen looked like lunch.

Sea World! Jacen loved the Shamu show, and looking at the fish, sharks, and jellyfish in the aquarium.

River walk. We ate at an awesome authentic mexican restaurant. We also tried to see the Alamo, but it closed about 10 minutes after we got there. We did, however, teach Jacen to say, "Remember the Alamo!"

Botanical Garden. Grandpa is good at spotting ducks and fish and turtles and things.

We spent most of our afternoons at Brandon and Sarah's house playing games, since it was 105 degrees outside.

Family pic at church on Sunday. L to R: Ethan, me and Jacen, my Dad and Mom, my brother Brandon and SIL Sarah

We had a great trip! We also went to a waterpark one day, but had too much fun to get out the camera. Our trip was a great mix of seeing the local sights and just hanging out and spending time together. It was relaxing for me because Jacen was happy to spend all his time with Grandpa and Grandma, and they were more than happy to take care of him the whole week.

Tulip Festival

Last week we went to the Tulip Festival in Orange City, IA. It's a Dutch Heritage Festival where they have parades(with bands that march in wooden shoes), Dutch food (sausajes, Dutch puppies, poffertjes, etc.), and Dutch dances and songs performed by the people of Orange City dressed in authentic costumes (including my parents and parents-in-law). This year we even got a costume for Jacen. Here he is looking at the canal in Windmill Park.

We had to get some pictures with the tulips. Tulip gardens are everywhere in Orange City. They were blooming right on time for the Festival this year. Beautiful!

Waiting for the puppet show to start. They use Dutch-style puppets and perform old Dutch folk tales. The story was cute, but generally cheesy. What more could you ask for from a puppet show?

Before every parade they scrub the streets (Dutch cleanliness) to prepare it for the Tulip Queen and her Court. Grandpa and Grandma took Jacen. He got soaked and loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, his pants were big enough that when the ankles were wet they pulled the whole pants down. Good thing he's too young to worry about modesty!

href="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v23/240/112/148301045/n148301045_30037870_7799.jpg">Just for interest sake, this is me at the Orange City Tulip Festival when I was in high school with my dancing partner.

Growing Through My Deepest Loss

Note: The following is a detailed account of my physical, emotional, and spiritual experiences with miscarriage.

I can't even describe it. The gut wrenching shock as the doctor looked at the ultrasound and said, "The heartbeat has stopped." I didn't even get it right away. I just sat there and looked at her; I had absolutely no reaction until I got in my car and had to call and tell Ethan. Then the reality of it hit me full force and I lost it completely. I cried all afternoon. More than that, I wept. I don't think I knew there was a difference before.

I barely slept that night. Or for several nights after. I got up the next day feeling achy from head to toe, as if I had a fever, and the cramping and bleeding started. Thankfully, that was when the support started, too. Phone calls, e-mails, flowers and cards in the mail. Most just said, "We're praying for you," but I couldn't think of anything else I needed more. I cried much less that day, and even laughed some. God really does provide.

My flu-like symptoms lasted 3 more days. I mostly spent them lying on the couch. My goal of every day was to distract myself as much as possible. It is good to mourn a loss, it is not good to wallow in self-pity. I mourned by talking through things with Ethan. He let me talk. He let me cry. He even let me sit around and do nothing as much as I wanted. I had so many questions: How did the heartbeat just stop, when it appeared to be healthy a week ago? Why was I feeling so content most of the time, and why did that make me feel guilty? Why did crying about it make me feel so weak? How could I know if my baby was in heaven? Was it enough that I just believed? Will I be able to overcome my intense fear of getting pregnant again?

Thursday I came across this saying on a website I visited: "Lord, I wanted to hold this child in my arms and tell him all about You. But I never got to do that, so could you hold him in your arms and tell him all about me?" When I read that I was finally able to face everything I had lost. For the first time, I could cry for what I was missing, for the ache I felt because I would never get to cuddle and kiss my baby. I cried harder than I ever have before in my life. But when I finally stopped crying I had a calming peace come over me, because I knew my child was allowed to skip his life on this sinful earth and spend his entire existence in paradise. What more could a mother want for her child than to never have to experience sin and pain?

Thursday night I actually slept through the night, albeit with the help of Tylenol PM. It was still an amazing relief. Friday I felt better again, emotionally (every day was a baby step), though very tired, considering I had slept well for the first time all week. That evening my parents arrived for the weekend. I was feeling a little better, and we decided to go out for supper. As we got up to leave the restaurant, my cramps got suddenly worse. By the time we got home I was passing large pieces of tissue (some larger than a golf ball) and large amounts of blood. I was bleeding so much that I couldn't do anything but sit on the toilet for the next two and a half hours. Those two and a half hours were the worst physical thing I have ever gone through. But even then the Lord provided. The timing of the miscarriage itself was a blessing, because my mom was there to bring me juice, the heating pad for my back pain, and just to sit with me and offer comfort and advice. Having her here for that part of the whole experience was a great blessing for me and Ethan.

By about 12:15 that evening the bleeding had slowed down enough that I could take a bath and go to bed. I felt completely physically exhausted, I couldn't do anything but lay in my bed and sleep. The next day I still felt very weak and tired (from losing so much blood), and my back was very sore. I spent the day on the couch once again, while my mom cleaned the house and took care of Jacen, and Ethan and my dad worked on the yard. By Sunday I was feeling so much better physically; my aches were gone and I was finally feeling well rested. The physical boost gave me an amazing spiritual and emotional boost as well.

That Sunday is a week past already. I am definitely not completely healed yet, as evidenced by the tears shed while writing this, but I do feel like I am in a better place in life. I have been so overwhelmed by the amount of love, prayers, and support we have received from family, friends, and the church. Knowing that you are greatly loved is a blessing like no other. I still have questions and concerns, especially as we start looking ahead to trying for another baby. I have learned, though, that my emotions are not a bad thing in and of themselves, and that it is good and completely natural for me to mourn this loss today, and even for months and years to come. God blesses us through every experience, and even in my mourning I have found so many reasons to praise Him.

Baby #2

We found out about 2 weeks ago that we are expecting another baby! We're due Thanksgiving weekend, which means I'm 8-9 weeks along. So far this pregnancy is totally different from my first. I have morning sickness at least 10 hours a day, and really bad, too. My doctor gave me a prescription to keep me from throwing up, and I've been drinking Gatorade to keep from getting dehydrated. I've also been super tired, and sleep whenever Jacen does (sometimes more). Other than that, things seem pretty normal. We had an ultrasound today, and the baby looks really healthy. The heart beat was at 176 BPM, up from 122 BPM at our first appointment. I'll try to keep things updated as we go. We ask everyone to join us in praying for our baby.

Always Reading

Jacen and I spend so much time every day reading together, I thought I'd include a list of our favorite books.

If you Give a Mouse a Cookie, by Laura Numeroff
A B C, by Dr. Seuss
Hop on Pop, by Dr. Seuss
One Fish Two Fish, by Dr. Seuss
Morris the Moose, by B. Wiseman
How Does a Dinosaur Eat All His Food?, by Jane Yolen and Mark Teague
Kiss Goodnight, by Amy Hest
Max Cleans Up (Max and Ruby), by Rosemary Wells
Put Me In the Zoo, by Robert Lopshire
Good Night, Gorilla, by Peggy Rathman

Palm Sunday

Jacen made this tambourine in Sunday School, and has been dancing around the house all week shouting, "Hosanna!"

I Can't Keep Up...

Jacen is learning things so quickly. I am writing this post because I am sure if I don't write all down, I will forget. Here is a list of what Jacen has learned in the last month:

~how to say 3-syllable words, and put up to 5 words in a sentence (including some unusual vocabulary, such as "delicious")
~to count to 10 by himself, and 15 with help
~to identify shapes (circle, oval, square, rectangle, star, diamond, hexagon, octagon), and recognize them in real-life settings (the buttons on the elevator are rectangles, the picture on the back of his book is in an oval)
~to identify colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, brown, white)
~how to put on a t-shirt with no help
~how to kick a soccer ball while running
~to recognize and name familiar places (church, home, Target, grocery store)

He does so many other funny things. He recently started drawing scribbles on his Doodle-Pad and then telling me what animal it is, based on the shape and size of the scribble (a large round scribble might be an elephant, a long skinny one is an alligator). He also will "read" familiar books to himself, turning the pages and reciting the words.

This kind of sounds like a brag list, which was not my intention. He is simply blowing me away with new knowledge and skills every single day.

Awww....

Nice Mommy!

That's what Jacen says every time he gives hugs and kisses. Nice Daddy, Nice Puppy, Nice baby. And it always has the "Awww..." in front of it. I would love to know where he learned that, because it doesn't really sound like something Ethan or I would say. But he says it all the time. We recently recieved a picture of a friend's baby in the mail, and Jacen carries it around saying, "Aww, nice baby!" When he gives Ethan good night kisses he says, "Aww, nice Daddy!" It's really very funny.

Here's a few recent pictures of Jacen:

Playing "airplane" with Mommy

Playing in the back yard. It was 80 degrees in February!

Helping Daddy "fixin'".

I found him curled up in our bed one morning around 10. Nap time isn't usually until noon!

Bringing them up in the Lord

About three weeks ago Jacen started going to Sunday School. In the two's and three's class they listen to a Bible story, do a related craft, and learn a simple catechism question. He's the youngest in his class, so his teacher and I had decided to do a trial period for a couple of weeks to see if he can handle it and if he understands it at all. I was happy to find out that his teacher says he's doing very well sitting still. But how do we know if he's getting any of it? Today I picked him up from Sunday School and he showed me his craft: a little sign on a stick with a picture on each side. They had talked about Jesus raising the widow's son from the dead. He pointed to the picture of the widow mourning her son. "Sad," he said in a very serious voice. Then he flipped it over. Now the widow was hugging her living son. Jacen jumped up and down, "Happy!" he yelled. That was enough to convince me. I know he doesn't understand yet, but he is learning something, and that's a good start.

Yesterday we had dinner with a couple from our church. We were all sitting down to eat, and chatting a little bit before we began the meal. Jacen picked up his spoon to get started and then stopped. He looked at Ethan, held out his hand, and said, "pray." As we prayed he bowed his head, and when we finished he threw his hands in the air and shouted, "Amen!"

These are the things I pray for as his mother. The most important things I can teach him.

He knows more than I think...

Every Sunday we drive down Ballas to get to church. Jacen loves to look at the different buildings we drive past, so this week I was telling him about St. Johns and Missouri Baptist, explaining to him that those were hospitals. I told him that people go to the hospital when they are sick and doctors help the people feel better. I also told him that the hospital is where the ambulance goes after it's picked up someone who is sick or hurt. That's a lot of info for a 2 year old to process, so I kind of assumed that I was just talking to him, and hoping something would stick.

Well, it stuck alright. Yesterday and today Jacen has had a bad cough and a low grade fever. This morning when I was giving him some medicine, he started coughing and then said, "Go hospital."

I'm just glad he's not really that sick.

Not quite tall enough

This morning we took a walk in the park with Jacen. As we walked Jacen kept pointing to the sky and saying, "cloudy". He had picked up a stick and ways doing the boy thing with it-- dragging it on the ground and poking and hitting things with it. Pretty soon he stopped and pointed the stick in the air as far as he could reach. I asked what he was doing and he said, "Reach it. Clouds." I told him the clouds were too high up for him to touch, but the rest of the walk whenever he stopped he stretched his stick up to the sky again, trying to touch birds, airplanes, or whatever else he could see up there.

10 Things I Love About My Life, or An Exercize in Positive Thinking

1. I love that I don't live in an apartment anymore. I take pride in owning my own home. I love having a yard and a park across the street It gives Jacen and Autumn a place to run and play.

2. I love that my husband thinks I'm a good cook. He is usually very happy to eat whatever I make.

3. I love that we get along so well with both my parents and my parents-in-law. We can always look forward to having family visit because we know it will be an enjoyable weekend.

4. I love putting Jacen to bed. Now that he sleeps in a big boy bed, I tuck him in and then crawl in bed next to him to read one of his favorite books. (right now it's "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie") Suddenly instead screaming "no bed! No night!" He says, "Night, Mommy. I love you."

5. I love being in a Bible Study again. Learning and worshipping together with other Christian women is truly a blessing.

6. I love that life keeps moving forward. There is hope to be found in a new job, a new home, and a new way of life.

7. I love that I can be confident in myself because of the talents God has given me. It is good to know that you are good at doing the things you love. For me those things are music, sewing and crafts, and working with children.

8. I love to hear my son talk and to watch him learn new things. Sometimes I think I should keep a journal what he learns each day. Today he began to say "I do" instead of "I did", that Play-doh is squishy, the difference between ice and snow,and how to climb the rock wall at the park.

9. I love my husband. I love that we have been married nearly 5 years and there has not been a day that I had 2nd thoughts. I love that we can work through almost any issue without yelling. And I love knowing that he loves me completely and will support me in all areas of life.

10. I love that our great God has redeemed me. And not only redeemed me, but blessed me as well. I have so many reasons to praise Him.

I am writing this post on my Blackberry at work at 4:00 in the morning. Though there is something very cool about writing a blog on my new phone, I am nonetheless wishing I was home in my bed and not up at 4 am.

Since I posted last several important things have happened. Ethan's new business, Bowman Huizenga Attorneys, LLC, got its first client,and has the opportunity to gain several more in the next week or two. Its amazing to see his big ideas unfolding and working themselves out. Who would have guessed he'd make partner at 25? Praise the Lord. On the other side of things, my long term nanny position ended rather suddenly when the mom of the kids informed me that she was quitting her job and would not be looking for another one right away. I've been able to pick up a few overnight newborn care jobs, butnothing permanent yet.

Jacen has proven in the last week and a half that he is really a 2 year old. The words that most often come out of his mouth are, "no, I not!" and he has taken to running as fast as he can in the other direction whenever you ask him to do anything.(Me: Jacen, let's put your coat on so we can go to church. Jacen: no, I not! As he runs full speed to his room.) He is still his good-natured little self, however, and most episodes of temper or defiance only last a minute or two, or at the very worst can be solved by a time out in the pack and play.

And now I have succeded in putting the baby to sleep, so I'm gonna go veg out too. Good night all.

A Note to my Son on his Second Birthday

Dear Jacen,

Tomorrow you will be two years old. It's hard for me to believe--it seems like just yesterday I was sitting next to your hospital bed, constantly watching the monitors and praying you would be ok. Nothing I have done in my life has been harder than watching you lying there. And there has been no greater blessing since than to watch you grow and develop into the happy, healthy little boy you are today.

You have an enthusiasm for life that I hope you keep into adulthood. You are a child who thoroughly enjoys all things, whether it be bananas at breakfast time, or an unexpected trip to the playground in the afternoon. I love your sincerity and thoughtfulness when you play with other children your own age. I love your amazing willingness to share with others. And I love that you never forget your manners. No one expects you to say, "Excuse me!" if we bump into them at the supermarket.

There are so many things you do that make you who you are. The way you carry Rhino around with your thumb in your mouth exactly like Linus on "Peanuts". The way you rock back and forth when you dance and sing, "La la la la, Elmo song!" You say,"wow", "awesome", "wonderful", and "all right" when your excited about something, and you wrinkle your forehead and say "oh no" if you're upset or unsure. You are independent and if I don't help you the first time you ask, you are more likely to help yourself than ask again. You eat everything, but especially love bananas and yogurt. You can identify almost every animal, even if I don't think you've seen it before, but call most birds either a penguin or a chicken. You are always ready to read a book, and if you read it once, you will want to read it five times.

At two, you are growing so quickly and learning things every day. You love to color, and your favorite toys are your blocks, and any airplane, car or truck you can find. You can spot a high flying airplane through a tree on a cloudy day. You are learning new words every day, and copy everything we say. You are beginning to count and learn your alphabet. You are especially talented with fine motor skills, and are very good at putting puzzles together and building with blocks and legos. You eat well with a spoon and fork and drink from a cup with no lid.

Even though your first two years went so quickly, you fill me with anticipation, and I am always more excited to see what you will do next than disappointed that your baby days are past. I love being a mommy more than I every believed I would, and I especially love being the mommy to the happy, lovable, and easygoing child that you are. I cannot wait to see what the next year has in store for you. God has blessed us richly through you, and we can already see his hand working in your life. I promise to help you see who God is, and to teach you to live and grow as one of his children. I promise to pray for you every day.

I love you, Jacen, and I am so very proud of you.

Love, hugs and kisses, Mommy