Joining the Movement: Free Range Kids

I've been hearing a lot about the Free Range Kids movement lately. There are different forms of this idea out there, and I'm not really ready to go nuts and fully subscribe to one version or another, but I do really like the thought behind it.

The basic idea is that parents in general are way more protective of their kids than our parents were, and therefore are less willing to let their kids out of their sight. This includes hard parenting decisions about when it's ok for your kids to play outside without you, when they're ok to walk to school by themselves, or when they're capable of playing at the park with a friend without supervision.

I remember walking the four blocks to school and back by myself when I was in first grade. Before that, I remember playing in our yard with my younger brother, sometimes with my parents, but most often I remember it being just the two of us. A year or two later, I walked or biked to summer recreation activities or the library by myself. For my family this was practical--Dad worked full time, and Mom gave piano lessons in our home, so it was really the choice of whether or not I could participate in those activities.

There have been a few times this spring that I have let Jacen play outside by himself, usually at times that I was working in the front part of the house and could see him out of the window most of the time. However, he knows that if he strays from our yard or goes near the street, he's lost that privilidge and needs to stay in the house until I can watch him more closely. I have wondered if I still would let him play alone in St. Louis, and I think the answer would be yes. There, our yard was fenced in, so there was no danger from traffic.

I think that's the biggest thing, really, especially in a small town. For Jacen to play outside without me, I need to trust that he's not going to run away, and that he's not going to go in the street. When my parents let me walk to school, they had to trust that I would walk on the side of the road, and watch for traffic crossing the street. They also had to trust that I would go where I was going, and not change my plans halfway. That's the biggest thing for me, anyway. For a lot of parents I think the "what if's" are a bigger factor. The fear of kidnapping, or any other interactions with potentially creepy people is huge.

There are two things that I think we need to look at as parents when deciding how much protection our kids need. First, your environment. I mentioned earlier that I would still let Jacen play outside if we were living in St. Louis, but that's because I know what our yard and neighborhood were like there. If we were still in our apartment, there would be no way. Not only was there more traffic, but there were also considerably more untrustworthy people around. The mom who started the Free Range Kids movement let her 9-year-old ride the New York subway alone. Now, she knows her environment better than I do, but my first reaction is that that's crazy. The second thing you have to look at is real danger. When my parents let me as a first grader walk to school, they could be pretty certain that I would not be kidnapped. Kidnapping is unheard of in Orange City, IA. For the same reason, I don't have that fear about Jacen playing outside without me, and would not have in St. Louis, either, since our back yard was blocked from view of the road, so any potential predator would have to be stalking the suburban back yards climbing over everyone's privacy fences looking for him. Not likely. Nor was he likely to encounter drunks, people yelling at each other, or profanities, as he would have by our St. Louis apartment. This is the reason I think the Free Range Mom is a little crazy-- you never know who will be on a New York subway.

I want Jacen to be independent and to be able to take care of himself when I am not around. But more than that I don't want him to be stuck inside on a beautiful day because I have to work in the evening and his play time is the only time I have to fold the laundry. I don't want him to not be able to participate in extracurriculars at school if Ethan or I am not able to go with him every time. I want him to have his own adventures and life experiences that he creates himself without mom saying, "Don't do that! Be careful!" all the time. I want him to be himself, not an extension of me.